7 Not-So-Great Places To Hit On Someone

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College romances can be awesome and of course a chance meeting can happen anywhere, ending in a John Cusack Serendipity-like romance, but hitting on someone is hard enough and these five, no, seven places, (while some are great in theory) may actually hurt your chances for success. And obviously we’re being general as hell here, so try not to take any of this too seriously.

1. Art Museum

Sure, some may go in search of their artsy Jude Law or Natalie Portman from Closer counterpart, but for many others, viewing art is personal, it’s quite, relaxing and thoughtful. It’s an at your own pace kind of place and chances are someone is there alone not because they had to be, but because they chose to go alone. A game of 20 questions after they’ve politely bantered with you during your introduction might be the last thing they’re into when they still have a slew of rooms to get through and hundreds of art piece synopses to read.

2. Coffee Shop

If you see someone holding a cup of coffee and blankly staring out a window or across the room, scrolling their phone in between sips…sure, go for it. But if they have the full-on laptop spread with a rare paper, pencil and phone face down sighting, it’s safe to say they left the comfort of their home and bed today in search of a little productivity. And while I personally feel a coffee shop is actually distracting as fuck when I’m trying to write, I still am trying and prefer to not be bothered. So it’s a risk.

3. On The NYC Subway

I remember a time when I was on the subway platform and a cute, fresh faced French tourist hopelessly tried to make eye contact with me only to finally bite the bullet and introduce himself. And I remember my internal struggle as I stood there after a grueling work day, twenty-minute walk to the subway, exhausted and wanting to die, but not wanting to be rude. And I remember cutting him off with an “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m very tired.” as I began plopping my earphones in my ears, trying not to be affected by his sad taken aback face. It was rude and felt sucky, but it was honest. Now times me by a few million and you have everyone riding home from work on the subway’s sentiment. It’s our commute. We’re tired. And we hate it. We absolutely hate it down there. Maybe at least reserve your approach for a mid-afternoon across the Williamsburg bridge kind of ride.

4. In The Bathroom or On a Bathroom Line

A fan of Ally McBeal might think otherwise, but to put this simply, either I’m about to pee myself or I just sat half naked a few feet away from you and pooped, like can you please just wait until I wash my hands and get back out into nice lighting with my newly emptied bladder.

5. The Hospital

I don’t know about you but the only times I have ever been to the hospital it was for something shitty. I can’t speak for the hospital staff, but as a normal person either coming to the hospital because a loved one of mine is ready to peace out or because I myself am lying in bed with my organs wanting to do the same, I’d really prefer to not be a part of your Nicholas Sparks Novel.

6. The Gym

Yes, there are those who find they rock the shirtless/sports bra look and want nothing more than to meet the #fitspro person of their dreams, but for the countless others at the gym…smelly, no makeup, dirty hair…. actually…if you someone likes you this way, maybe this is a good start. Scratch the gym.

7. A Funeral

Two possible outcomes. They’re either related to you or they’re going to be disgusted by you. And if they’re related to you, they’re most definitely going to be disgusted by you. The whole thing is just bad. Do not do this.

Ali Reynolds

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